Dental hygienists who claim that bleeding gums are a result of poor flossing,

rather than their rooting about with sharp instruments.

People who hassle me about eating unwashed fruit. I have never washed my

fruit, and I have never been (physically) ill in my life.

Public studying.

Self-diagnosis of mental problems: "I am so totally OCD." Well, probably you're not.

Post office employees who sigh lugubriously when asked to help you locate or

mail a package, as if they would otherwise be working on some cool important project in the back.

The various limitations of fake tanning, which precludes swimming, shaving, and touching

anyone else, defeating the purpose of fake tanning.

All forms of bourgeois fussiness, and the self-congratulation it engenders (yoga,

farming-as-therapy, the New Yorker). Eating dark chocolate is not a moral decision.

Deductive theories of personality as excuse for poor behavior - the "that's just the way she is" defense.

Saving files under creative but misleading names... rather, searching for these files a month later.

Small, useless "designed" objects like egg cups and card holders.

Girls who cite Ada as their favorite Nabokov book; girls who cite Nabokov.

Ribbed short-sleeve t-shirts, sweaters with zippers, and other depraved sartorial hybrids.

The decline in popularity of the French braid.

Pretending to fall asleep as you arrive home after a long car rideso your parents

will have to carry you inside